Wednesday, November 03, 2004Wake up, America!Who the hell do you think you are? Are where do you get off thinking you're so smart? Some of you, we have learned, have been so stupid as to mistake what we're doing here. Get with it, people! Oh, sorry, my little chickadees. I didn't mean to startle you. But you may or may not have noticed that you went and voted for the wrong person. Weren't you paying attention when Dan Rather did the National Guard records story? And we hammered on the draft? Or suggested that soldiers didn't have armor because they used the money on tax cuts? You silly little geese, you've been acting like you're supposed to make up your own minds about this stuff. Stop it!Some of you who were foolish enough to stay up last night might have thought Bush won. He would have, if running an election were the point of this exercise. Silly, naive little morons. Where'd you get that idea? The point was to remove Bush and put a man we approve of back in place. Really, we let you have Reagan twice. Wasn't that enough? You'll notice that you've put us through a lot of trouble. This was supposed to be cut and dried. It makes things challenging when we have to argue that Kerry's got a lock on places like Michigan and Pennsylvania with margins of around 100k or 120K but say that Bush's 130K margin in Ohio is suspect. If people read the papers, and not just the headlines, we'd really be in trouble. But fear not, those of you who are worried that this process could end with anything but Kerry. We've made sure the headlines are for ambiguity. That will buy the necessary time to bring in the lawyers, decide where to challenge and make sure that the papers and telecasts are shrill with horror anyplace where the Bush team responds in kind. Election, shmelection. In times like this, the world's too dangerous to let you people run things. Once Kerry has made us everybody's friend again and we've taken enough casualties for the world to pity us again, maybe we'll let you vote again. You'd better not screw it up next time, though. Love, The Media 
posted by gbarto at 4:29 AM |
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